1. |
Letdown
03:42
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Hey man, I’m sorry for what happened in the Summer of ’16. I lost track of who I was, and was supposed to be. Hey man, I fucked up — I lost sight and let you down’ cause of the of whispering. I’ve got no excuse, I wasn’t there when you needed me.
But as much as I’d like to, I can’t blame her for all the times I fucked up — and I fucked up. And it’s a lesson I guess I had to learn. Why can’t there be lessons without bridges burned?
My friends won’t let me forget what it means to truly never let go. They wouldn’t let me down, and I know better than to let them down again.
Hey man, I want to be remembered like I always did good; like I gave it my best shot, like I gave more love than I got. Hey man, you’ll never guess what I realized the other day — I realized excuses and apologies won’t save me.
Hey man, I fucked up. But I promise — if I could get one more chance — I promise I won’t forget it. I promise you won’t regret it.
I was counting days till you could trust me again, going over ways that I was trapped in my own head. All I could’ve wanted was to earn back my old friends.
Family isn’t who you’re born with. It’s who you’d die for.
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2. |
Tornadoes
03:34
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Tornado sirens blaring outside my bedroom, but I wish I’d had the same warning on the day that I met you. I hope your house gets lifted and flung across the country, and crashes through my window and kills us both. This pouring rain, you’ll watch me melt away if you don’t lose your footing and get swept away instead.
My friends know better — they tell me all the time. They say I’m “wasting myself”; I know I’m wasting my time.
I’ll get you even if I don’t “get” you
The wind is blowing outside, it’s blowing harder all the time. I guess I expected something else; I thought the weather would be fine. I’ll blame it all on you and I’ll end it all because of you. I’ll turn everything around if I have to.
You’ll stand me up, turn me around, I’m counting hillsides that I’ve fallen down. If you want your “as you wish”, I’ll see what I can do.
My friends have heart, my friends are brave, but I am nothing — I wanna sleep. My friends are smarter than I am. I have less and less to prove because I am nothing and all I want is you.
There is no place because no place is home. There is no place like home anymore.
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3. |
Mexico City
03:52
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Sometimes my skin doesn’t feel like it fits me right. Sometimes I’m not who I thought I would be. Sometimes I’m certain this is not as far as I should have gotten by the time I turned 23. I watched seasons forget who they were meant to be, I forgot who I was too. Sometimes I still forget if it’s the winter or the summer or if the sun is turning into the moon.
As the bombs were falling down around and ashes filled the air, I was shaking trying to find some sense that, maybe, I belong here. As the bombs were falling down around and filling the air with smoke, I was dying, trying to spit the dust out, trying not to choke.
“If I could only remember, yeah if I only knew” — Do any of the words I’m saying resonate with you? I’m always sick and tired of being sick and tired and counting down the days till I die. Am I telling you cause you’re looking for meaning with your eyes turned up towards the sky?
I was shaking, I was shaken.
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4. |
Tryhard
04:00
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I’m feeling so wired — I can’t relax, drowning under last straws that are breaking my back. I want to feel okay. I want to feel anything other than “just sad” all the time. I’m feeling all alone, even though I’m not alone — I could reach some friends if I could reach for the phone. Who cares how you’re feeling when you’re feeling down? You’re an adult with an apartment downtown.
But I’m still just a kid — I’m still in the thick of it. Maybe I’m a little taller than I was. I’m back in my bedroom, just like I was in high school; am I being dishonest with myself because I wanna be cool? Can I be you?
Sinking in the shallows, some sorry dredges of wasted youth; last pieces of my childhood slipping through. And all the time I borrowed, searching for the right face to choose — I can’t keep living like this, can you? Can you?
If I’m always looking backwards, I’ll get my own back against the wall. Feeling sorry for how I used to be doesn’t solve anything at all. Just a matter of being trapped in my own head, wishing I was someone new. Who cares if the words I’m saying resonate with any of you?
I’m still just a kid — I’m still in the thick of it, but I’m getting better than I was. I’m back in the bedroom that I had in high school; am I being honest with myself for once? I wanna be cool — can I be you?
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Contender Denver, Colorado
queer-fronted emo from Denver. trust your friends, trust yourself.
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